Tuesday 8 January 2019 by Lucas Wilde

American “sick of hearing foreigners speaking foreign” still doesn’t speak Navajo or Cherokee


Angry american

A racist American is still refusing to learn any of the languages of his country.

Chuck Williams, who watches Fox News on a loop, thinks Donald Trump is basically the second coming of Christ and lives on a diet of Big Gulp, Cheetos and Big Macs, is a keen shouter at anyone who speaks Spanish or Arabic to each other in conversations that are near him but that don’t involve him.

Ironically, Chuck exclusively speaks a language which is foreign to America; the language of English, which is from England.

“It’s America. English is the language of America. English is an American language,” said Williams, who hasn’t read anything beyond a TV guide since grade school.

“When the first Americans sprung from the American soil beneath us, they spoke English so goddammit so will you or so help me God I will slowly walk toward you in order to yell at you.

“Hmm? What’s that? Cherokee? That’s a Jeep, right? There’s a guy on my block who drives one. What are you talking to me about Jeeps for?

“No, of course I don’t know any ‘Native American’ words, the fuck does that even mean? You freak.”

Hayley Begaye, of the Navajo Nation, sighed, “Yeah, I met Chuck, he just told me to fuck off back to Pakistan.

“I countered by telling him to fuck off back to Europe, but that didn’t work in 1492 and it works even less now.

“He just looked at me that confused face of his before waddling off for a burger.”

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