Monday 7 January 2019 by Tom Moore

No-deal Brexit rehearsal ‘goes well’ as 87 trucks successfully drive straight over a Dover cliff


Brexit truck trial

A live rehearsal of an emergency traffic system to be rolled out in the event of no-deal Brexit has gone ‘pretty well’ a Department for Transport spokesperson has confirmed.

The ‘war game scenario’ developed by the DfT saw 87 trucks meet at a disused airport before starting their journey to Dover, where they were directed en-masse to drive straight over the White Cliffs.

The wreckage of dozens of smouldering trucks has been declared ‘par for the course’, and a good omen for the weeks ahead as the parliamentary Brexit vote is scheduled for next week.

A DfT spokesperson confirmed, “The test went as well as can be expected, given this is something only morons are in favour of.

“The trucks caused no real tailbacks to other road users, and they were able to drive straight off the cliff smoothly and without delay.”

Brexit supporter Simon Williams welcomed the trial run, insisting that British lorries can throw themselves off a cliff as well as any European counterpart.

He went on, “The only thing wrong with the exercise was that there was nothing written on the side of the trucks about how great Brexit is going to be.”

Those who have voiced concerns over the capacity of the disused Airport found they were also quickly dismissed by the DfT.

The spokesperson continued, “We’ve heard people suggest that Manston Airfield can only hold 6,000 vehicles, nowhere near the number expected to drive over the cliff in the event of a no-deal.

“We can, however, confirm that we have contingency plans to use both Gatwick and Heathrow which we assume will no longer be needed either.”

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