Contract to supply NHS handed to bloke who saw Casualty once

author avatar by 5 years ago

The government has followed up its decision to grant a cross-channel ferry contract to a company with no ships by giving the contract for NHS supplies to a man who saw Casualty once.

It appears that man has no experience of the medical logistics industry and, according to his website, believes that X-ray machines are made out of ‘microwave ovens and magic’.

His website also shows a set of terms and conditions that have been copied and pasted from an incompetent ferry company that had copied and pasted its terms and conditions from a Chinese takeaway.

However, Health Secretary Matt Hancock, defended the decision.

“Look, this man, Geoff his name is, lovely chap. He has everything this Government requires to be a critical supplier,” he said.

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“He’s got a nice home-counties accent and his father went to Eton with my father.

“As for the accusation that he knows nothing about the medical logistics business, that’s just insulting to Casualty. You watch an episode of Casualty and you’ve got a pretty good grounding in the NHS and logistics and all that stuff. It’ll be fine.”

Mr Hancock went on to explain that payment was only contingent on success.

“There has been concerned that we’re just throwing public money away here. That’s not the case, and rest assured that if anyone dies as a result of deficiencies in this contract, then we get a discount the following month.”

It is expected that the government will shortly announce a train contract to a man who had a Hornby railway set as a child, a freight contract to anyone who can spell ‘freight’ and a road-building contract to a company that has experience travelling on roads.