President Trump has declared that he is now a war veteran following a quick visit to the US troops stationed in Iraq.
The President, who has never served in the military due to that well known and debilitating condition ‘bone spurs’, spent just over five minutes at a joint US and Iraqi air base to the west of Baghdad along with his wife Melania before flying back to the safety of the US as quickly as he could.
After the couple posed for photographs with soldiers, Trump told them, “Well, I guess this makes me one of you guys now.
“I have come here to Iraqistan, faced ISIS head-on, stared death in the face and emerged victorious. I have faced an enemy on the field of battle, and it has changed me forever. At least in the way I describe myself during the election cycle.”
Despite his bone spurs having never prevented him running away from dissatisfied tenants or customers at his apartments and hotels, Trump boasted, “I got a bit of a twinge from my bone spurs as we were coming in to land, but I battled through the pain so that I could stand side by side with our brave troops in the camp cafeteria.
“Now, what perks do I get as a veteran of armed conflict? I’ve definitely earned them, bigly.”
According to reports from the White House, Trump is hoping to publish his war memoirs next year to raise funds for his favourite veteren – himself. The book will, of course, only contain pictures.”