Happiness-hating scientists create unholy games hybrid

author avatar by 4 years ago

Misanthropic scientists have emerged from a dark laboratory where their foul experiments have created a monstrous crossbreed of games guaranteed to have everyone at each other’s throats this Christmas.

The game – Warhammer Monopoly – combines the family arguments and long-running feuds of Monopoly with the rules lawyering and expense of Warhammer, to create an abomination which will ruin Christmasses for families everywhere.

“I always hated Christmas, and presents, and other people being happy,” said hunchbacked, freakish scientist Simon von Williamstein.

“When I first said I could create a game which would make people less happy and well-disposed to their fellow man than either Parker Brother’s or Games Workshop’s finest, they called me mad! Mad!”

With a deranged cackle, he added, “Well who’s mad now? Not me – but you. I’ve replaced the four railway stations with pieces of Cadia, and you’ll be furious after you collect them and find that owning them all has no benefit whatsoever.

“And instead of rolling two dice to move your pieces, you have to roll thirty-six, out of a bucket.”

The figures in the set are Space Marine, land raider, Eldritch Nightmare from beyond the Void, God-Emperor of mankind, bolter gun, and cute little Scotty dog.

Already reports are trickling in of the hellish chimera being seen in the wild, with arguments, people refusing to talk to each other, and tables being flipped over in fury – or a WAAAAGH! as the rules call it.