Following hours of cancellations and delays, a sheepish Gatwick airport has issued a statement confirming that what they initially thought were drones are in fact the maiden flights of the new Ryanair ‘super economy’ series.
In the release, Airport boss Simon Williams states “Yes we were told to expect some extra Ryanair flights at those times today but we didn’t take it seriously. I mean come on. Ryanair. Running to time? At Christmas?! That’s less likely than Santa.”
When asked whether the size should have been some kind of giveaway he responded “Probably yes. They aren’t a lot smaller than the existing ones but I imagine they’ve found a way to cram a few hundred more people into one though.”
The planes are currently being ‘piloted’ by Ryanair Chief Executive Michael O’Leary from the roof of his offices using a remote control.
He confirmed “No pilots means more money saved. And fewer of the b*stsrds able to strike over our working conditions.
“People know what they are paying for and these ‘planes’ will get them to where they’re going up to two Euro’s cheaper.”
The new ‘Boeing 24-7’ range appears to be a sequence of handrails attached to a particularly sturdy drone.
Boeing confirmed “We only made it for a laugh to make Michael go away. We thought it was a silly present for his family. You can’t seriously think he would take people to 20,000 feet in one of those, do you? They would freeze!”
In the word’s of a smirking Michael O’Leary, “Oh yes. Fur coat rentals are an extra 50 Euro’s. We’re not a bloody charity.”