Man who trod on a house spider whilst barefoot left traumatised for life

author avatar by 5 years ago

A man who trod on a house spider whilst walking barefoot ‘is unlikely ever to truly recover from the experience’ according to reports today.

36-year-old Simon Williams, who is a staff writer at popular satirical website FactPunch!, was walking across his kitchen barefoot last night without really looking where he was going when his unclothed and unshod foot came down on the spider which hadn’t done the decent thing and got out of the way.

When asked to describe the experience, he said it was like ‘Nyeeugh aaaargh naaaaagh gyaaaaagh naaah oh Jesus’ before putting more bleach on his foot and starting to cry.

“It made this horrible crunch, like I’d trodden on eggshells or a thin nutshell, something like that. And then it was all bits and legs and more legs and some more legs and other bits I couldn’t easily identify and didn’t really want to try.

“I think I need counselling. Or maybe just my mum.”

At the time of writing the mashed lump which was a spider is still sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor because nobody wants to go near it.

A spokesman for the spider community said that whilst being trodden on wasn’t top of the list of ways to go out, at least it beats you eating them in your sleep.