The Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future have announced that they’re not even going to bother trying to get Theresa May to mend her ways this year.
Since Victorian times, the three ghosts have traditionally attempted to get the meanest, most cruel and unpleasant people in the country to change their ways, however with Theresa May, they believe that it would be a complete waste of time.
“Ebenezer Scrooge was the most awful man in London,” boomed the Ghost of Christmas Present.
“Tight-fisted, cruel, and dreadful to the core. But still, we always felt like there was a slim chance we could do some good with him. But, Theresa May? Let’s be serious.”
The ghost, known to friends as Simon Williams, went on to explain that they had started work on a series of visions to make the Prime Minister change her ways.
He said, “The problem was, it’s would have taken until Boxing Day to get through all the awful things she’s done in the past. The ‘immigrants go home’ thing, that time she slagged off the policemen, running through that wheat field.
“It would have just taken us absolutely ages.”
Instead, the ghosts have decided that they’ll just take the evening off and do something a little less stressful.
“No, we thought about giving a Boris a try, but that would be an even bigger job than Theresa May, so we’re just going to stay at home on Christmas with some cans in and the Mrs Brown’s Boys special on telly.”