Tuesday 18 December 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Sacked Jose Mourinho comforted by fact that the world will soon be celebrating his birth


Jose Mourinho special one

Jose Mourinho has been sacked from his Manager position at Manchester United, but is comforted by the fact that millions around the world will soon be celebrating his arrival on Earth.

The “special one” received his P45 just a week before Christmas after a string of results that have been described as “lackluster’, “disappointing” and “shit”.

“At least the worldwide celebration of me will cheer me up,” smiled Mourinho addressing reporters outside his home.

“At Christmas, families worldwide come together to celebrate the birth of the Special One, Jose Mourinho.

“Technically my birthday is a month later, but you know what the church is like with their historically accurate dates.

“I look forward to watching the highlights from church services around the world as they say prayers and sing hymns to ME.”

The Reverend Simon Williams said, “…right, I don’t want to be rude, but he’s being a bit of a dopey c*nt.

“Christmas is about Jesus, not Jose. I grant you they are both foreign-sounding names starting with a “J” but nonetheless, that’s quite the error.

“Perhaps it’s that keen attention to detail that got him sacked from managing a Premier League football club?”

Mourinho replied, “Jose forgives you.”

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