Theresa May faces her greatest humiliation for a couple of hours

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It is understood that embattled Prime Minister Theresa May will face her greatest humiliation for a couple of hours or so after Tory MPs triggered a vote of no confidence in her.

It comes in the wake of having to cancel the vote on her Brexit deal, accidentally tucking her skirt into her pants and taking a cream pie to the face.

Mrs May responded robustly to the prospect of ever greater humiliation.

“If there is one thing trying to implement Brexit has taught me,” she said, shortly after loudly breaking wind whilst there was a pause in the conversation.

“It’s how to handle a constant and unrelenting stream of abject humiliation on both domestic and foreign stages.”

Pausing briefly to wipe off the pigeon excrement that had just landed in her hair, Mrs May waved to someone who she thought was waving at her but was actually waving at someone else, then got in her car which promptly let out a loud bang and cloud of smoke from the exhaust pipe before all four wheels fell off.

The Prime Minister will meet with the chairman of the 1922 committee this morning, shortly after standing on a series of rakes which cause the handles to whack her in the face repeatedly.