Theresa May has announced that she will be cancelling this evening’s vote of confidence in her leadership.
Britain’s strongest and most stable Prime Minister made the announcement to reporters in Downing Street shortly after it had been announced that the required 48 letters of no confidence had been delivered to the chairman of the 1922 committee, Graham Brady.
“I’m afraid that the planned vote on whether the party has confidence in my leadership will not be going ahead this evening,” she said in the wavering, brink of tears voice that will be ceaselessly mocked by impressionists on late night TV shows for years to come.
“I would love for it to have been held, but I’m afraid I have had to cancel it because, er, we haven’t given twenty-four hours notice for the room booking, or there aren’t enough chairs, or something.”
She added, “However, the vote will be held at a later date. Say, 2022, perhaps? How does that sound?
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to continue pretending there is anything to be gained from continued negotiations with the EU.”
Theresa May then left the microphone and returned to Number Ten, having failed to notice that the microphone hadn’t been plugged in and the gathered journalists had stopped scribbling notes as soon as she opened her mouth.