Tuesday 11 December 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Southampton cancel Sunday’s match with Arsenal because they don’t fancy losing


Southampton vs Arsenal

Southampton FC has announced that it has cancelled the match against Arsenal scheduled for Sunday because they will almost certainly lose and apparently, this sort of thing is fine now.

Despite being part of the rules of the Premiership that all fixtures take place as scheduled and agreed, Southampton has decided that the defeat could be so great that they might lose the confidence of their supporters, so it’s better to just not bother.

This despite their supporters having seen exactly how the team have performed in recent months and confidence being almost certainly long since lost.

“We’ve looked at the match and its going to be really difficult,” said manager Ralph Hassenhuttl.

“I mean, in almost every department, we are inferior and we’ve simply got no way of dealing with what Arsenal will do.

“We’re going to lose and we don’t want to lose because that will just be awful. Really embarrassing.

“So it seems like the sensible option is to just cancel the match and stay at home and watch telly instead.”

Mr Hassenhuttl was adamant he had a plan for dealing with the fallout of his controversial cancellation plan.

“Yes, we’re just going to keep our fingers crossed and hope everything sorts itself out.”

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