A new Harry Potter film has apparently kicked off in Westminster.
Harry Potter and the Ceremonial Mace sees the fully grown wizard having left the world of magic behind in favour of becoming a Labour MP for Brighton Kempton instead.
The film gets going when the bespectacled hero picks up the Magical Mace in the House of Commons, in a magical act of rebellion that probably sounded brilliant in his head but actually turned out a little bit wank in practice.
“It’s a bit of a departure for the character,” confirmed director, Simon Williams.
“I was surprised when I read the script and discovered that Harry Potter has gone from a wizard to an MP. It’s a bit like going from double chocolate sundae to a stick of celery.
“I was equally surprised that when he picks up the mace, nothing magical happens as he apparently thought it would. He just struggles with the weight of it a little bit and tries to awkwardly carry it out of the room, before an old man stops him and takes the mace away.
“There isn’t even a fist fight, let alone a magical battle with wands.
“On the plus side, the special effects budget isn’t going to have to cover much beyond digitally inserting all the MPs who didn’t bother to turn up to the chamber that day.
“On the minus side, it’s going to be a struggle to stretch this out to a two-hour film, but if they managed to spin The Hobbit across three movies then I’m sure we can manage this.”