Monday 10 December 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Irish border checks to be carried out on Craggy Island


Father ted craggy island

The Irish border issue has finally been cracked.

Goods, parcels and sundries will be carried out on the borderline inaccessible Craggy Island as of April 1st, 2019.

“It’s a great deal or everybody,” confirmed Simon Williams, of the government’s Brexit team.

“All that needs to be done is for a boat to make the four hour trip from mainland Ireland to Craggy Island – where it seems to be raining almost permanently.

“The goods that actually make it ashore will then be checked over by a team of loyal volunteers from the local community, including members of the clergy, employees of the local cornershop and an odd-looking fellow who once robbed a post office.

“We are told a Father Ted Crilly will be overseeing the inspection, with Fathers Dougal Maguire and Jack Hackett inspecting the goods by hand to make sure there’s nothing amiss.

“Then the goods will be carefully placed back on the boat by a Mrs Doyle, who will be careful not to break anything not already broken by Father Dougal and Father Jack.

“It’s a tremendous plan and I foresee no mishaps, difficulty or half-hour long portions of hilarity.”

Father Jack Hackett commented “FECK!”

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