Theresa May urged not to sign any more Christmas cards ‘from the Prime Minister’

author avatar by 4 years ago

Government advisers have instructed the Prime Minister to get used to signing things as ‘Theresa’ again.

With her Brexit deal facing an embarrassing defeat in the Commons on Tuesday, Theresa May is spending what will probably be her last weekend living in Number Ten crossing out ‘from the Prime Minister’ on Christmas cards she is yet to post and replacing it with ‘from Theresa :(‘

Downing St adviser Simon Williams explained, “It’s really a bit embarrassing to send Christmas cards as the prime minister when the chances are you won’t be in that role come Christmas morning.

“There comes a point in a Prime Minister’s life when you have to acknowledge that you’ve reached the end of your tenure.

“For Theresa, there have been about six or seven of these moments in the last month, and at least three hundred of them over the last year.

“So we sat her down yesterday and laid out the facts as clearly as we could – if her Brexit deal is voted down, she’s out. She started saying ‘But strong and stable-’ before then bursting into tears. We think it has finally hit home that she’s not cut out for this.”

He continued, “She’s much better off doing something safer and popular with the voters, like when she was Home Secretary and all she did was spend her time introducing crippling police cuts, cutting funding for hot school dinners and selling arms to Saudi Arabia.

“She was actually good at those things. Perhaps she’ll go back to that?”