Friday 7 December 2018

Spice Girls headlining Glastonbury could see record broken for most piss thrown at one stage


Spice Girls at Glastonbury

After rumours began circulating that the Spice Girls are in talks to headline Glastonbury in 2019, people who paid £300 for their ticket have announced plans to send an entire weekend’s stockpile of piss directly towards their stage.

The rumour began with band member Mel B, but so far no-one from Worthy Farm has denied it, leading many ticket holders to express their dismay on social media.

Sharon Williams told us, “I’m going to Glastonbury instead of a holiday next year, so if it turns out I’m going to be treated to a group of forty-something women screeching pop songs from the Pyramid stage then I will be livid.

“I’m telling you now, I don’t care how far back I am, that stage is getting drenched in piss. And not the nice stuff, I mean bottles of the ‘weekend spent boozing and not taking in anywhere near enough water’ stuff.”

Others have joined Sharon in expressing their disappointment.

Jake Matthews told us, “I actually quite liked the Spice Girls the first time around; I was at Uni and they were something of a guilty pleasure – so I have pretty happy memories of them. But this is Glastonbury, not the ‘Big 90’s Night’ at the local Ritzy nightclub.

“I was hoping for Led Zeppelin, or maybe The Cure, but either way, for £300 I expect more than a bit of ‘zig-a-zig-ah’ from a girl band whose material felt dated six months after it was released.

“Christ, Baby Spice is now 42 and in a long-term relationship with two kids. And she’s the BABY of the group.

“If they’re performing, then I’m chucking as much piss as I can. I don’t even care if it’s mine.”

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