Huge outcry in Glasgow as thieves steal traffic cone from Duke of Wellington statue

author avatar by 5 years ago

One of Glasgow’s most famous landmarks has been ‘defaced by vandals’ after the traffic cone was removed from the Duke of Wellington’s head.

Wellington, who fought the Battle of Waterloo whilst wearing a cone lifted from the M8 two nights previously, credited his victory to the huge morale boost felt by his men as the fluorescent orange traffic warning was visible from all points of the battlefield.

“Without the cone, Napoleon would undoubtedly have overrun Europe,” said Glasgwegian culture expert Simon McWilliams.

“It was only Wellington’s quick thinking in helping himself from roadworks whilst eating his second kebab of the evening that turned the tide of war – and it’s outrageous that youths who don’t respect our history have defaced the legacy of a hero this way.

“On behalf of Glasgow council; I’d like to say – if you return the cone to its rightful place atop his bonce we’ll say no more about it and no charges will be pressed.

“Failing that we’ll be shutting the A74 for three weeks yet again soon, so I suppose there’ll be plenty of opportunity to replace it from fresh stock.”

Glasgow council are offering a reward of 80p for information leading to an arrest.