Wednesday 5 December 2018 by Chris Ballard

Theresa May and Jeremy Corbyn decide on Ninja Warrior format instead of debate


Assault course test for May and Corbyn

The Prime Minister and the Leader of the Opposition are to compete in a special edition of Ninja Warrior UK after being unable to agree to a format for an intelligent debate on the Brexit deal.

After Labour rejected BBC proposals for a live televised debate on Brexit it has been decided that the only way to settle this extremely complex issue is for the two party leaders to fight it out by tackling a physically gruelling assault course.

Conservative Party researcher Simon Williams has been tasked with organising the event.

“At the very least this will reignite the public interest in Brexit,” he said.

“Why have one of those boring TV debates with knowledgeable people talking sensibly about important issues when we could just test the strength, agility and endurance of the two main party leaders via the medium of weekend evening light entertainment?

“And have a jolly good laugh into the bargain.”

One of Theresa May’s aides is quietly confident of success. “The PM has a secret weapon – her leather trousers,” she said.

“The friction on those babies will enable her to scale walls like Spider-Man.

“Some might consider Jeremy to be the more natural ninja – a man who can make himself invisible simply by walking into a crowded room in plain sight and introducing himself to everyone.

“However, one needs to remember that there are several parts of the obstacle course where the route splits and he’ll need to make a decision about which way to go – he could still be in there this time next year!”

Given that Mrs May is no spring chicken and isn’t exactly in prime physical condition isn’t the government concerned that she might have a heart attack or something and drop dead?

“Oh, we hadn’t thought of that,” said Simon.

“Ah well, we’ve booked the venue now…”

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!

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