Tuesday 4 December 2018 by Davywavy

Dog approximately 60% mud


muddy dog

The body mass of a family dog is almost two-thirds mud, according to reports this morning.

The dog, which appears far larger than it actually is, is expected to shrink considerably when forced to stand in front of a hosepipe before it is let back into the house.

“It’s a remarkable example of the breed Caninus Filthius,” we were told by Simon Williams, Professor of Whosagoodboyyesyouareology at Kettering University.

“By and large your average dog is not more than ten or twenty per cent mud at any given time, so to find a pure-bred strain like this is really quite remarkable.

“It looks like a dog mated with a riverbank or possibly that big patch of really smelly mud just down the lane, and this is the result.”

When asked, the dog said that after getting as up close and personal as possible with those cowpats in the field it was hoping to get better acquainted with the new carpet and settee in the sitting room.

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