After government confirmation that zero-hours contracts are in fact ‘real’ jobs, Simon Cowell has moved to award one to X Factor winner Dalton Harris.
The music mogul and TV entrepreneur is said to be delighted with the new policy shift and has his lawyers working on a raft of draconian contract conditions for future winners of the televised contest.
“Let’s be clear, as an X-Factor winner you aren’t entitled to anything from Syco, you are owned by Syco,” a representative of the label who wished to remain nameless told us.
“Accordingly, these new terms and conditions will ensure we only give you the work we want to on any given day.
“If the public in their infinite wisdom chooses a winner who simply offers no commercial value, we can discard you without so much as a cursory recording session.
“You still won’t count towards the unemployment figures though, obviously. Not until the end of the infinitely long zero hour contract we’ll make you sign.”
Simon Cowell has defended the move, saying some artists would actually prefer a zero-hour recording contract, such as students, and some other people he couldn’t name when pressed for a few more details.
He said, “Also, you have to remember that this isn’t one of those bad zero hour contracts where you can’t go and work anywhere else. Dalton can absolutely go and take a few shifts in Tesco or McDonald’s any time he wants to make up his hours.
“He just can’t make music for anyone else. In that respect, his arse is most definitely mine.”