The Prime Minister has finally agreed to publish details of the advice she received when drawing up her Brexit deal – revealing it was a positive affirmation from a fortune cookie.
Under pressure from all sides to disclose the legal advice she received on her Brexit deal Theresa May has finally relented.
“It was very late, we’d been negotiating all day and someone – I think it was Barnier actually – suggested we get Chinese,” said Mrs May.
“I had what I always have when eating Chinese food – omelette and chips with a can of Lilt. However, at the end of the meal, I was persuaded to try one of these fortuitous biscuit things.
“Inside was a little slip of paper which said, ‘A dream you have will come true.’ Gosh, I thought, will there really be a vote of no-confidence that will enable me to step away from this car crash and get some sleep?
“But then I realised what it meant – I could deliver the half-hearted Brexit that absolutely nobody wanted! I shook hands with the EU not half an hour later, my hands still sticky with ketchup.
“Funnily enough Dominic Raab had a fortune saying ‘Now is the time to try something new’ and resigned a few days later. That could all have worked out very differently.”
Labour and the DUP were planning to initiate contempt of Parliament proceedings unless the deal advice was published. They have now reacted to the fortune cookie revelation.
“Why didn’t she just say so earlier?” said a Labour spokesperson. “This is much more robust than we’d anticipated – let’s just crack on with the deal.”