Tuesday 27 November 2018 by Chris Ballard

NASA receives signal from Mars saying Brexit deal is shit


Mars insight probe

NASA’s InSight probe has sent back a mysterious signal from the Red Planet stating that Theresa May’s Brexit deal is a pile of wank.

Despite only landing on Mars yesterday, the InSight probe has already revealed signs of intelligent life.

“InSight was sending us initial diagnostics just to show that the equipment was all up and running after that dramatic descent,” said Nasa spokesman Simon Williams.

“Suddenly we heard a faint robotic voice giving us a message. It was five syllables long and, somewhat strangely, was being sung to the tune of the musical signal from ‘Close Encounters.’

“‘Brexit deal is shit. Brexit deal is shit.’ It just kept on repeating.

“Surely this is proof that intelligent life exists on Mars?”

However, many scientists are warning the public not to get too excited.

“Reaching the conclusion that the Brexit deal is mostly disappointing bollocks does not necessarily indicate the presence of an advanced life form,” said one Professor of Space.

“It merely shows that something cleverer than the British Prime Minister exists beyond our own atmosphere.

“It’s probably just a bacterium living in the Martian sub-soil or perhaps even some dust which was kicked up from the surface when the probe landed.”

It’s not just intelligent, extra-terrestrial life which thinks Theresa May’s deal is a bad idea. President Donald Trump has also weighed in with criticism of his own.

“Yeah, despite what many believe we can confirm that Trump is human,” said Nasa’s Simon Williams.

“Why do you think we dedicate our lives to an eventual escape to Mars?”

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