Marks & Spencer launches Believed-In-Court underwear line for Ireland

author avatar by 5 years ago

In a response to the current discussion about thongs and consent in Ireland, the famous store has just announced the release of a whole line of underwear that they claim will finally give credibility to plaintiffs in sexual assault cases.

Head of Product development, Simon Williams, explained that the recent use of a victim’s thong by a defence lawyer in a horrific rape and suicide case showed there was a gap in the market.

“It might be news to a lot of women that the knickers they wear on any given day could effectively relinquish their right to refuse sex, but that’s still how our justice system works.

“Millions of women still put themselves at risk by choosing undergarments solely based on their own desires.

“And that is why we have launched our Believed-In-Court line. Should the worst happen and you wish for your attacker to be punished, these knickers will show a jury that you really did not consent.

“These knickers are grey, practical and give you that 24/7 right to choose your sexual partners that you would have thought the law provided but apparently doesn’t.”

Asked if it this was the best way to deal with the way rape trials are conducted, Mr Williams admitted special underwear was perhaps not the most progressive of ideas.

He went on, “If I had my way, the lawyer who tried to get his client off a rape charge by showing the victim’s thing would get disbarred and his client would get an extra 10 years for good measure. But I’m not a senior judge or a legislator.

“So yeah, in 2018 Northern Ireland, the best guarantee of justice for rape victims is to wear granny pants.”