Monday 26 November 2018 by Chris Ballard

Man finally caves in and has first thirty mince pies of season


Man eats mince pies

A man was unable to resist buying mince pies any longer and ate five packs over the weekend.

When Simon Williams first saw mince pies go on sale back in August he scoffed at how early they were in the shops. However, he has now reached the point where he simply scoffs the pies.

“Don’t judge me,” said Simon through mouthfuls of rich butter pastry and deliciously spiced dried fruit. “It’s not as if I’m eating Christmas pudding or anything.

“Throughout the last couple of months, I’ve successfully managed to avoid consuming any seasonal fare. Sure, I’ve ploughed through a dozen large tubs of Celebrations but that’s definitely NOT Christmas chocolate.”

At this point, the interview was put on hold for a few minutes while Simon fell into a brief sugar coma. It soon passed.

“Then on Friday it was cold, dark and the town Christmas lights had been switched on. I thought hey, it’s nearly December, I’ll just tip my toe into the waters of festive delights.

“So I bought five packs of six mince pies – the luxury ones mind you, I don’t put any old crap into my body.

“I settled down in front of the telly with a nice bottle of red and before I knew it I’d eaten all thirty of the things.

“It’s not as if the wine was mulled or anything – I’m not one of those Christmas psychos who never take their decorations down and who put real thought into buying presents for their loved ones.

“I’m just greedy and weak.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: