Boris Johnson is insisting he could negotiate a better deal with Europe, despite his last big deal with a European nation seeing him spunk £300k on water cannons that didn’t work, and he couldn’t use.
With the prime minister under further pressure after publishing her Brexit withdrawal deal, Johnson and others have been quick to tell the government they should go back and try again – as if this isn’t what they’ve been doing for two and half years.
Johnson told reporters on the day his water cannons were sold for scrap for a sum total of £11k, “I am confident that when I sit down with Johnny Foreigner and look him in the eye, I will be capable of getting the very best deal possible for this country.
“The Brexit deal is ridiculous, it will see us spend a silly amount of money on something that simply won’t work for the British people. And I should know.
EU negotiators have welcomed Johnson’s intervention, with many keen to see him at the negotiating table.
As one German team member said, “Yes, we would very much enjoy further negotiating with your Boris.
“He is a nice man. Simple, but nice. We have lots of crap we would like to be given money for, and he has something of a track record in this regard.”
Taxpayer Simon Williams told us, “This is a man who got conned out of £300k of our money by the equivalent of the German Del Boy, and some of you want to trust him with the entire nation’s economic future?
“Are you quite mad?”