‘Five Brexiteers’ demand that EU is excluded from future Brexit renegotiations

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The so-called ‘Five Brexiteers,’ Michael Gove, Penny Mourdant, Larry, Curly, and Moe, who all remained in Theresa May’s cabinet to try and change the draft withdrawal deal, have demanded that the EU is excluded from any renegotiations.

They believe that it is the EU who are the stumbling block in securing a favourable Brexit deal and that any renegotiations would be far smoother without their interference.

“This deal isn’t good enough for Britain and the British people,” said Michael Grove, as he wiped virgin’s blood from his lips following a hearty dinner.

“The simple reason for that is that the EU is intransigent in every way.

“With issues such as fishing rights, border rights, immigration and such, everyone was broadly in agreement.

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“Except the EU. They simply refused to agree with our position.

“So, if they won’t be reasonable, it seems sensible to exclude them completely from future proceedings.”

Brexit supporters were broadly in agreement with the Brexit five.

“Bloody good idea, that,” said Simon Williams, an ardent Brexiter and enthusiastic bicycle seat sniffer.

“I mean, it’s logical. This is Britain’s future outside the EU, so the EU shouldn’t really have any say in it, if you think about.

“Part of the reason I voted leave. Bloody EU throwing their weight around, telling everyone what to do.”

With the EU removed from future renegotiations, the ‘Five Brexiteers’ are confident that Britain can secure a Brexit deal that includes better weather for all, the Irish border placed somewhere near the Loire Valley, and the Netherlands.

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