Carrier pigeon delivering Jacob Rees-Mogg’s letter of no confidence delayed by weather

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The letter of no confidence Jacob Rees-Mogg sent to the 1922 Committee has not yet arrived because strong winds are holding up his carrier pigeon.

On Friday the world’s oldest 49-year-old and backbench Victorian apparition Jacob Rees-Mogg submitted a letter of no confidence in the prime minister to the Tory’s 1922 Committee.

“The Prime Minister’s deal with the EU is a travesty,” he said.

“The font is awful, the paper is awful and I bet when I actually read the document the words will be jolly awful too.

“I’ve dispatched Lord Fluffy – my very best carrier pigeon – to the Chair of the 1922 Committee and I strongly encourage my colleagues to do the same.”

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Unfortunately for Rees-Mogg, adverse whether conditions on the way to London now threaten the safe arrival of his letter with Lord Fluffy held up by an ill-wind blowing in from the continent.

This has the potential to scupper plans for a confidence vote as forty eight such letters need to be received by the 1922 Committee before that can happen.

“I’m not at all worried,” said Rees-Mogg. “In all our years together Lord Fluffy has never let me down.

“Lord Woody has a few times, but my wife assures me that’s perfectly normal for a gentleman of my age.”

Weather is not the only obstacle the pigeon needs to overcome. It is believed that Theresa May has positioned archers across the rooftops of Westminster with the aim of taking out Lord Fluffy before he arrives.

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