Theresa May’s cabinet downgraded to a ‘chest of drawers’

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After a number of ministerial resignations following the release of the Brexit deal, the House of Commons has voted unanimously to downgrade Theresa May’s cabinet, to a more suitably termed ‘chest of drawers’.

The change has come after the resignations of Dominic Raab and Esther McVey, following other ministers that have gone in the preceding months, with MPs agreeing the term cabinet has become “a bit of stretch”.

Labour MP Joshua Williams told reporters, “With all the recent issues she’s having with her front bench, there can’t be more than a couple of them left in there surely?

“I personally was an advocate for ‘bedside table’, but we agreed we’d save that one for when it’s just her and Phillip left standing.

“She could probably turn the cabinet room into a playroom and start holding her cabinet meetings in the broom cupboard?”

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Another MP, who asked not to be named, told reporters that this is just the start of a series of dramatic changes that are likely to be coming to the cabinet.

He explained, “We’re planning for an upcoming vote on whether government ministers should lose their frontbench privileges, and be demoted to sitting on the floor at the front of the room, like the group of nursery school children they insist on behaving like.

“Needless to say we are expecting very high turnout for this vote. The thought of Michael Gove floundering around on the floor while screaming like a toddler is something I’m certain all parties will get behind.”