Comedy Prime Minister Theresa May has announced that the new Brexit Secretary will be a bloke called Steve.
Steve’s main role will be to look like he is interested when various people tell him the draft withdrawal agreement is dreadful and should be scrapped.
“I am very pleased to announce that this bloke called Steve will be taking over as Brexit Secretary with immediate effect,” said Mrs May as she hastily hid an opened can of Special Brew under her coat.
“He seems clean and has a quite nice haircut, so he his uniquely qualified for this tremendously important role.
“I’ve also bought him an atlas and explained to him where Dover is and that Britain is an island, this makes him the most prepared Brexit Secretary we’ve had for quite some time.”
Leading Brexiters were enthusiastic about the new appointment.
“Brilliant news,” said Simon Williams, a deluded maniac who still believes this whole sorry mess is still a viable proposition.
“I’ve always said that who we need leading Brexit is a bloke called Steve, and this bloke is definitely called Steve.
“Brexit certainly can’t fail now.”
Steve is expected to remain Brexit Secretary for a couple of days until it becomes clear that the whole calamity is unsalvageable, whereupon he’ll retire to the backbenches to eat biscuits and bitch about Theresa May.
Steve will be replaced as Brexit Secretary by a bloke called Geoff or possibly Barry.