Nation pisses itself laughing after David Davis claims an FTA with the EU would take 3 months

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In the midst of high tensions surrounding Brexit, the country was provided with some light relief when a man who failed to get basic departure agreement after 18 months told them they could sign a comprehensive trade deal in less than 3.

David Davis, known affectionately in Whitehall as ‘That Lazy Prick’, coined the highly amusing phrase during a BBC radio interview. Many pundits have said that the mirth it provided was the most tangible benefit he had given the nation in over a decade.

Simon Williams, a former diplomat, said that hearing the interview made him rethink his preconceptions about David Davis.

“I used to think he was an idle fool who made us look like dilettante wankers when he refused to go to Brussels more than four times a year. And when he did show up, he managed to humiliate us further by sitting in front of an EU delegation, who came with laptops and a mountain of files, while his team just had a stupid grin and an unwarranted sense of superiority.

“But now I realise he was trying to keep our spirits up. I guess he knew Brexit was always going to be what the EU wanted it to be so he might as well have a giggle.”

Mr Williams was adamant that the claim that an FTA could be done in 3 months was obviously a joke.

He went on, “I think the fastest trade agreement Europe has ever done was with the bailiwick of Guernsey back in 1973.

“And that took a year.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!