Thursday 15 November 2018

John Lewis releases Elton John doll in time for Christmas


Elton John Doll

John Lewis has launched a new Elton John doll to capitalise on the musician’s popularity following the release of their latest Christmas advert.

The Christmas advert was released this morning and shows Elton at various stages of his career, going back him receiving his first Piano as a Christmas present, which has lead to small children across the nation demanding their own Elton doll to jump on top of a piano.

Six-year-old Olivia Williams told, “I definitely want an Elton doll for Christmas, but I want one from the Tantrums & Tiaras period, so I can have him constantly berating all my other dolls.

“I’m not interested in that ‘wistful Elton’, that looks crap. I want him thinking he’s better than all the other dolls and regularly losing his shit because they’re not treating him like the royalty he thinks he is.

“I don’t care what it costs my parents. I want it. I want all of the accessories. I should definitely get it.”

Parents groups have reacted with a resigned shrug to the fact that yet another toy has been made fashionable in time for Christmas.

“Oh great,” said Olivia’s mother, Simone, “Just what I needed.

“It’s bad enough she wants an iPad, but now she wants a doll of an ageing homosexual well known for losing his temper and lashing out at people around him for no reason.

“Apparently she needs it to get all her other dolls doing their jobs properly.

“Still, it’s better than her asking for a fucking Piano.”

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