Environmentalists criticise government for employing single-use Brexit Secretaries

author avatar by 5 years ago

Green activists have criticised Theresa May’s government for using disposable Brexit Secretaries which end up polluting the oceans.

In light of the resignation of Brexit Secretary Dominic Raab, environmental campaigners have been vocal about the government’s deployment of non-renewable ministers.

“There’s no need for it in this day and age,” said campaigner Simon Williams. “Discarded Brexit Secretaries are one of the biggest threats to marine life.

“Thousands of animals have choked to death on the empty rhetoric of David Davis alone.

“Think of all the energy that’s wasted when a new Brexit Secretary comes along, talks bollocks for a bit, demonstrates worrying levels of ignorance and then resigns. Where do you think all that hot air is going?

NewsThump Best sellers

“No-one thinks of the emissions generating by single-use Brexit ministers.”

There have been suggestions that at the very least the Prime Minister should have to pay five pence each time she appoints a new Brexit Secretary.

“It’s a nice idea in principle, but completely unworkable in practice,” said Theresa May.

“I just know that I’ll turn up at a cabinet meeting or an EU summit and I’ll have forgotten my Brexit Secretary. The British economy’s in enough trouble without me wasting all those 5ps.”

A ‘Brexit-Secretary for life’ scheme has also been suggested. However, most political analysts agree that this wouldn’t be a shrewd long-term investment given the fact that they’d probably fall apart when given the slightest tricky agenda item.

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!