Wednesday 14 November 2018

Theresa May successfully delivers Brexit deal that disappoints absolutely everyone


Theresa May reveals Brexit deal

Prime Minister Theresa May has outlined her negotiated Brexit deal, ensuring that everyone is unhappy with it, regardless of how they voted in the referendum.

Speaking outside number ten, the prime minister told journalists “Let me be clear, Brexit means Brexit, and Brexit means something very different to what you think it means.

“I am delighted to be standing in front of you today having eventually reached a deal with the EU that will be a huge disappointment to you personally, regardless of how you voted in the referendum.”

The prime minister then went on to explain the ways in which the deal will disappoint those keen to leave the EU, and those keen to stay part of it.

She told those gathered, “If you voted Leave purely on the basis of kicking out all those EU immigrants, then you’re going to be sorely disappointed.

“If you voted to Remain because you wanted to retain a full say in how the European market evolves, then you’re going to be sorely disappointed.

“If you voted Leave because you don’t want British taxpayer money going to Brussels, then you’re going to be sorely disappointed.

“If you voted Remain because you wanted to retain the freedom to move, work and study across the EU, then you’re going to be sorely disappointed.

“All in all, I think my team and I have done a sterling job of pissing off just about every single stakeholder group involved in the whole mess.

“On the plus side, we have achieved the impossible and finally united both Remainers and Brexiters – in telling the government it’s doing a crap job.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!

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