Wednesday 14 November 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Esther McVey and Andrea Leadsom awake to find horse heads in their beds


Theres May Brexit deal

Leading Brexit campaigners Esther McVey and Andrea Leadsom have told of waking up to find severed horse heads in their beds, according to reports this morning.

It is thought that there was also a horse head in Dominic Raab’s bed but he just didn’t notice it and simply got up to take a shower as normal.

Liam Fox received a parcel containing a fish but, not understanding the significance, he simply ate the fish for his breakfast.

Number 10 has denied responsibility for the horse heads appearing in the beds of those cabinet ministers most likely to oppose Theresa May’s draft Brexit agreement.

“Hey, if these guys, these Brexiters had some horse’s head in their beds then that’s a terrible thing,” said Tory Chief Whip Julian Smith.

“But you know what? If a hypothetical person were to have left a hypothetical horse head in a hypothetical Brexiter’s bed then I would say that hypothetical Brexiter should think very carefully about their actions today as you’d never know what that hypothetical person may do next.

“Capice?”

Mrs May was unavailable for comment as she was arranging to take her former close ally Boris Johnson out for a fishing trip on the lake, just the two of them. Like old times.

Number 10 has also made it clear that, should a series of leading Brexiters be violently murdered later today, those acts cannot be connected to Mrs May as she will be at a christening.

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!

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