Cabinet ministers urged to keep their resignation letters nice and short

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Members of the cabinet have been asked not to waffle on and on when they inevitably resign over the next few hours.

Following Theresa May’s proposed Brexit deal, various members of the cabinet are rumoured to be considering their positions over issues such as immigration, the Irish border and fish.

“Don’t bother spelling out why. We know why,” advised 10 Downing Street spokesperson, Simon Williams.

“Just a simple ‘I hereby resign as Minister for Women and Equalities’, or whatever position you’re resigning from, will be fine.

“Leave your la-dee-da, lofty reasons for buggering off to your upcoming column in The Times. We’re going to have at least nine of these letters to plough through and we’d like to get them all out the way before lunch, so don’t feel you have to hit a word count.

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“And make it quick, I plan to resign myself before the end of the week.”

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