Tuesday 6 November 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Tory Party to publish naked calendar to raise money for Brexit


Tory calendar

The Tory Party has announced that it will be publishing a nude calendar for Christmas to try and raise money for Brexit.

The calendar will feature prominent members of the cabinet posing naked in a variety of cheeky and humorous poses, in the hope it can raise the expected £60bn shortfall in the public finances after Brexit.

“Tasteful and fun is the order of the day,” said Liam Fox, who was given the task of organising the calendar in what is seen by many as his most responsible job to date.

“I mean, you’re not going to see Theresa May’s flaps or anything. She was very clear about that when I suggested it.”

The calendar will feature Esther McVey in a classic Christine Keeler pose with legs astride a failing universal credit computer, a naked Chris Grayling will be seen lying on a Southern train that’s not going anywhere with only a non-functioning timetable to preserve his modesty, and Sajid Javid will be shown being stopped and searched with a policeman holding a strategically placed notepad.

There has been no confirmation of what Theresa May will be doing but the rumours are that she’ll be photographed from above, lying naked under a pile of abandoned workers’ rights regulations.

Tory Party supporters were enthusiastic.

“Yeah, I like it. It’s cheeky. It’s fun,” said Simon Williams, an unemployed cress farmer from Cornwall.

“I mean, obviously, I’d prefer something a bit more explicit, but I reckon I’d still be able to knock one out to this.”

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