Monday 5 November 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Victoria Beckham buys all Spice Girls’ reunion tour tickets and isn’t going to watch

Victoria Beckham on spice girls tour

Victoria Beckham has bought up all of the tickets for the Spice Girls reunion and fed them through a shredder.

Posh Spice declined to be a part of the reunion tour because she is tits-deep in money and can’t be bothered.

“HAHAHAHAHA!” confirmed Mrs Beckham, feeding the last dozen tickets through her Shred-U-Like 3000.

“They’re going to perform to seven empty venues and have no idea why. It’s going to be like Geri’s last solo tour all over again – except this time they’ve technically at least sold tickets.

“I’m not even sure why I’m doing this beyond the simple reason that I’m rich and I can. This is what happens when you get a lot of money, you do unspeakably evil things for no reason.

“I’ll have made that money back by this evening so it’s no skin off my dick.”

A spokesperson for the remaining four Spice Girls said, “This is actually OK. It means nobody is going to show up and find out we’ve had to replace the real Mel C with an obvious doppelganger following a freak yachting accident.”

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