Victoria Beckham has bought up all of the tickets for the Spice Girls reunion and fed them through a shredder.
Posh Spice declined to be a part of the reunion tour because she is tits-deep in money and can’t be bothered.
“HAHAHAHAHA!” confirmed Mrs Beckham, feeding the last dozen tickets through her Shred-U-Like 3000.
“They’re going to perform to seven empty venues and have no idea why. It’s going to be like Geri’s last solo tour all over again – except this time they’ve technically at least sold tickets.
“I’m not even sure why I’m doing this beyond the simple reason that I’m rich and I can. This is what happens when you get a lot of money, you do unspeakably evil things for no reason.
“I’ll have made that money back by this evening so it’s no skin off my dick.”
A spokesperson for the remaining four Spice Girls said, “This is actually OK. It means nobody is going to show up and find out we’ve had to replace the real Mel C with an obvious doppelganger following a freak yachting accident.”