“We can tell you all about the unpleasant experience of being fucked by Sir Philip Green” insist 19,000 BHS pensioners

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The 19,000 pensioners in the BHS pension scheme have spoken of their willingness to talk publicly about the unpleasant experience of being fucked by Sir Philip Green.

Every single one of them said they were not even remotely surprised to find out Sir Philip was the businessman seeking an injunction to prevent stories of him allegedly sexually and racially harassing and abusing employees, insisting each of them was forcibly fucked by the portly billionaire.

Pensioners Derek Williams told us, “I have sympathy for those abused by Philip Green, but how many of them were fucked into a hole by his actions?

“I’m not saying racial abuse and bullying aren’t bad, I’m just pointing out that there are a lot of us out there who have first-hand experience of how willing Sir Philip is to fuck you over if he thinks it’s worth it to him – either financially, or sexually.

“We are fortunate that the government made him give back £363m to avoid enforcement action – which wasn’t enough to plug to gaping void he created in the first place – but it’s not like you can be unfucked by a man like that once he’s fucked you.

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“It doesn’t matter if he put back some of the money he took out, you still have nightmares picturing that gurning corpulent face taking everything you hold dear and chuckling while he does it.”

Constitutional experts have questioned whether the latest allegations will be enough for Sir Philip to finally lose his knighthood.

However one told us, “Oh I doubt it. Firstly, these are still only allegations, but if you can fuck 19,000 pensioners and then simply write a cheque to keep your knighthood, I think sexually abusing half a dozen former employees will be a piece of piss.

“He probably won’t even have to write another cheque.”

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