Facebook’s pledge to always be free under threat after hiring Nick Clegg

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Nick Clegg has been given a senior role at Facebook, prompting widespread fears that users might now be charged exorbitant fees to use the site.

Facebook members who had always been promised that usage of the social networking site would be free have been bracing themselves for the worst after Nick Clegg was given the role of Vice President for global affairs, which he will start in the new year.

“Oh bollocks,” one user, Simon Williams, told us.

“I love using Facebook to stalk my exes, review different Wetherspoons establishments and leave angry comments on second-rate so-called ‘satirical’ websites, and I’m glad that so far the only form of entertainment in my pitiful life has been entirely free.

“But now Cleggy is involved I guess those days are numbered.

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“Only the other day Nick Clegg said that Facebook would always be free to users. He promised that it would be, so I guess I’d better start saving my nine grand per year for the inevitable fees he will introduce.”

Clegg himself has spoken out in defence of his record, and insisted he has only ever done unpopular things when the people he works for make him do them.

He explained, “And no-one at Facebook is likely to make me do or say anything unpopular, so we’re fine on that front.

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg was delighted with his new hire, telling reporters, “We have searched high and low for over a year for someone to join our team and become our new chief scapegoat.

“No. Head of Global Affairs. I meant Head of Global Affairs.”