The world just marked Ada Lovelace day to remember the woman who gave birth to technological marvel that allows millions of men to be utterly vile to women when they’re not using their machines to wank themselves silly.
Simon Williams, a gentle Computer Engineering student in real life but an astoundingly nasty creature online, celebrated the works of Ada Lovelace by helping his student union put on a Hackathon before going home and masturbating furiously to cartoons of women being molested by arthropods.
He explained, “It’s easy to take tech for granted but we should take a minute to think just how amazingly complex the tools we rely on actually are.
“Ada Lovelace, the daughter of proto-feminist Mary Wollstonecraft, was one of the key figures in the birth of the digital world. Every occasion I called a porn actress a whore during my angry wanks is a direct result of her genius.
“It’s amazing the creativity she had to have in order to see actions in terms of programming. Without her, if I wanted to bombard Emma Watson with rape threats, like I did last year, it would have cost me a fortune in envelope or telegrams.
“Now we lived in a wired world where any woman foolish enough to show me the most basic courtesy online gets bombarded with unsolicited pictures of my cock. And it’s all thanks to Ada.”
Women, on the other hand, have celebrated the anniversary by encouraging each other to join STEM disciplines and quietly making lists of who will be castrated first when the revolution finally comes.