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Four Russians arrested in Holland with a car boot full of spying equipment were ‘just there to see the wonderful clogs and canals’, according to the Kremlin this morning.
The four, who were parked outside the headquarters of the Organisation for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons, said they had made the trip to ‘see the famous car park and magnificent five-metre tall streetlamp’.
Dutch intelligence sources suggest that the presence of advanced hacking equipment suggested an intention of hacking – a suggestion rejected by Russia, who insist the men were just trying to set up a LAN party to play Quake with pals at the top-security chemical weapons facility.
“As everyone knows, Holland is world famous for its clogs and it is perfectly normal for Russian people to use sophisticated cyber security equipment to get the best pictures of these iconic wooden footwears,” explained Kremlin spokesman Simonov Williamsovitch.
“Our citizens went on a day trip to Holland to learn about famous canals and it is outrageous that presence of high-gain WiFi equipment and taxi receipt from GRU headquarters is being used as so-called ‘evidence’ that they were there for something else entirely.
“Yes, the laptop showed it had also been used outside the building where an investigation into that Malaysian airliner which some completely unknown persons shot down was taking place – but that laptop was bought off eBay so that explains that.”
When asked, Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn called for more evidence before drawing any sort of conclusions, just like he always fucking does.
