Fears Russians have hacked Theresa May and reprogrammed her to do stupid dances

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As the cyber-exploits of Russian military intelligence agency continue to come to light, there are increased concerns that the UK’s own Prime Minister has been hacked and reprogrammed to randomly do stupid dances.

Eyebrows were first raised during an African trip when instead of holding trade discussions, the PM began shuffling around with some children.

Concerns heightened last week at the Tory conference when she strutted onto the stage like a drunk uncle at a wedding disco.

“I can’t think of any reason why a human being would voluntarily choose to move like that,” said security expert Simon Williams.

“So, my suspicion would be that she isn’t actually voluntarily moving like that, which leads to the terrifying possibility that the Russians have hacked into the Prime Minister.”

If Theresa May has indeed been hacked, then the real worry is what the Russians may make her do next.

“Well, I do fear that the dancing becomes more elaborate, if they programmed her to breakdance, for example, she could take someone’s eye out.

“Or, God forbid, they move on from dancing and programme her to sing, or even rap.

“It doesn’t bear thinking about.”

Mr Williams then outlined what would be the nightmare scenario.

“Well, worst case scenario is they move completely away from song and dance and reprogramme her to make such a bollock of Brexit negotiations that Britain faces diplomatic and economic repercussions that last a generation.

“But I don’t think even the Russians would be cruel enough to condemn another country to that.”