Shaun Bailey, the Conservative candidate for Mayor of London, has won many plaudits in his party by demonstrating his paranoid hostility to the inclusive ideology that allowed him to rise within the Tory party.
CCHQ spokesperson Simon Williams explained to the press that the discovery of a scathing attack on multiculturalism, written by Shaun Bailey in 2004, was evidence that the Conservative party was colourblind when it came to nurturing pig-ignorant intolerance.
He went on, “I know many in the liberal media like to portray us as closet racists but we have always welcomed divisive Enoch Powell wannabes, whatever their ethnic origin.
“As you can see, even a descendant of the Windrush generation can make a career out of harnessing the worst instincts of easily frightened dimwits. And this barely two years after we deported people born here of British parents just because they felt a bit Jamaican to us.
Mr Williams said that the combination of humble immigrant origins and vicious scapegoating of minority groups made Shaun Bailey a model for a renewal of the Conservative party.
He explained, “Long gone are the days where our candidates openly called his parents horrific racial slurs on canvassing leaflets.
“Behind us are the dark times when a man who called black people ‘picanninies with watermelon smiles’ could become Foreign Secretary.
“Shaun shows us the future of the conservative movement. A movement that sees no creed or colour. A party where people of all backgrounds can put aside their differences and band together to combat the real root of our society’s problems.