‘Will leading Brexiters be on a stage within piss-throwing distance?’ ask potential Brexit festival attendees

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Theresa May’s proposed Festival of Brexit Britain sounds like a half-decent event according to regular festival goers, as long as attendees can express disappointment with those on stage in the time-honoured fashion of dowsing them in warm piss.

The plan was announced at the Conservative party conference in Birmingham, and organisers claim the festival will celebrate what is best about Brexit Britain.

Theresa May told reporters, “Why do you want to know who is performing? That’s not important, what’s important is that we all get together and tell each other we are having a wonderful time irrespective of what is going on around us.

“If all you’re interested in is having someone else entertain you, then Brexit festival isn’t for you. If you want to join us in celebrating Brexit by repeatedly telling yourself everything is brilliant, then please come along!”

There is already much excitement online about the prospect of attending the Brexit Festival.

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Potential attendee Simon Williams said, “I enjoy a good festival, just like the next man.  Yes, they can be a bit challenging, like Glastonbury in the rain, but they’re generally time well-spent creating incredible memories and experiencing acts you don’t normally see live.

“So I’ll keep an open mind and wait for the details about this one.  That said, if there is even a remote possibility of being within spitting distance of stage containing Jacob Rees-Mogg, Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage, then I’ll be there with a gallon of piss and a well-practised throwing arm.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!