Jacob Rees-Mogg advises public to have their butlers keep the pantry well-stocked in event of no-deal Brexit

author avatar by 6 years ago

Leading anti-EU Victorian throwback Jacob Rees-Mogg has suggested the public have their butlers keep the pantry well-stocked in preparation for a no-deal Brexit.

Mr Rees-Mogg is pushing for a hard Brexit in order to be free of EU regulations preventing him employing children in his factories and setting up several workhouses in the Shires, however, mindful of the concerns of people, he has issued some advice for how best to cope in the event of a no-deal Brexit.

“I don’t think a no-deal Brexit is to be feared,” said Mr Rees-Mogg as he paid a child a ha’penny for cleaning his chimney.

“However, preparations must be made, and a good domestic staff is, I believe, the key to thriving on post-Brexit Britain.

“Simply have your butler keep the pantry well-stocked as there may, initially, be some difficulty obtaining foie-gras and good claret.

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“With regard to the possibility of aeroplanes not flying to Europe, I would suggest that if one’s butler is incapable of organising a simple sailing tour, then one should be looking for a new butler.

“There is concern regarding the manufacture of medicine so do be sure your housekeeper has a ready supply of morphine and oil of earthworm.

“After a few short generations, all the problems of the no-deal Brexit will have blown through and we’ll be left to reap the rewards of an obedient and deferent working class unencumbered by EU fripperies such as fair working conditions and sick-pay.”

Mr Rees-Mogg went on to suggest that the swathes of people who will be made unemployed as businesses move abroad might want to retrain as butlers in order to keep the pantries of their betters suitably well-stocked.

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!