First person to stop clapping Jeremy Corbyn sent to salt mines

author avatar by 6 years ago

The first person to stop clapping Jeremy Corbyn’s speech to the Labour Party Conference has been sent to the salt mines, we can confirm.

Long-term Labour activist and Blairite Simon Williams stopped clapping after 3 hours and 37 minutes when his hands began to bleed, and was promptly bundled into the back of a van and whisked away for showing disloyalty to the party leadership.

It is hoped that Williams, who secretly thinks that Keir Starmer would make a better leader while appealing to a wider range of centrist voters, will quickly learn the error of his ways and will enthusiastically criticise his lack of dedication to the cause upon his release.

“The Labour Party is a broad church with room for a wide range of views,” we were told by a Party insider who begged us not to name him for fear of reprisals.

“And people are free to choose how they would like to express those views; it can be freely and openly when they are views that Jeremy’s supporters will condone, or it can be behind closed doors or – even better – not at all, when they aren’t.

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“That certainly seems fair to me.

“I love Jeremy, he’s definitely the best,” he quickly added, with a quick, furtive look at the door.

“That’s a friendly smile, under his beard.”

Some people are reported to have been critical of the approach and policies taken by Corbyn’s supporters, especially in online debate, but frankly, if they don’t like it they should just go and JOIN THE TORIES.