Busybodies across Britain are celebrating being vindicated today after, despite years of their disapproval and mutterings that ‘you’ll have someone eye out’, a small child has literally lost an eye as the direct result of ‘mucking about.’
Witnesses have described how well-known little naughty boy Jake Williams, 11, was hurling sticks at a horse chestnut tree in an attempt to get the conkers hanging temptingly from its branches, when he hoyed one right into the eye of his 8-year-old brother, little Davey Williams.
“All of a sudden there was this awful scream, piercing the air,” said a witness who declined to be named.
“And there it was, little Davey’s eye, rolling about the ground like nobody’s business.
“Well, I suppose it was little Davey’s business. It was his bloody eye, after all.”
The incident is believed to have come to pass despite the repeated warnings of a well-known local busybody, Betty Sorrinow, who insisted on being named in this article, and who had ‘moments earlier’ leaned out of her downstairs front room window to loudly warn Jake that he should stop what he was doing because ‘he will have someone’s eye out doing that.’
“I told him! I actually bloody well told him!!” Betty told reporters, adding that she was “Going to lecture the entire country that someone has – at long last! – actually ‘lost an eye doing that’.
Meanwhile, little Davey Williams is preparing to spend the rest of his life looking like a pirate, whilst Jake is almost definitely going to be grounded for ‘at least a week.’