According to a Daily Mail readers’ poll, Jeremy Corbyn must travel back in time “like the f*cking Terminator” and kill the Fuhrer, to quash anti-Semitic rumours enveloping the Labour party.
A staggering 720,000 readers of the UK’s third most popular toilet roll cast votes on the bizarrely titled poll: “Prove you’re anti-anti-Semitic, Jezza!”
As votes poured in by their thousands, a troubling 34 per cent of the paper’s readership refused to participate, with one confused reader stating they were “bloody sick of Poles.”
However, most just insisted that Corbyn prove his credentials in the fight against antisemitism by defying the laws of physics and killing the biggest antisemite of all time.
Yet while some clearly struggled with the mechanics of voting, other more cerebral readers theorised that worm holes with exotic matter could potentially send the embattled leader back through time – proving once and for all: you don’t have to be dumb to love The Mail – you just have to be quite hateful and easily manipulated.
Commenting on the results, former editor, Paul Dacre, said, “It doesn’t matter whether we’re supporting Fascists in the 30’s, forging Zinoviev letters in the 20’s, or snapping celebrity bikini pics of the under 15’s last week – we will do whatever we can to ensure that the history books are full of contempt for us.
“Here at the Mail, we pride ourselves on being on the wrong side of history, and we’re also pretty keen on being on the ‘far right’ side of histrionics.”