‘Smack me if you want but don’t forget who’ll be choosing your nursing home’, laughs child

author avatar by 6 years ago

Amid fresh calls to ban smacking in the home, children have reminded their parents that they are free to parent how they wish but to remember who will have the last laugh.

Despite smacking being banned in schools, the Association of Educational Psychologists has tabled a motion to the TUC Conference calling for physical punishment to be outlawed in the home as well.

Eight-year-old Christopher stopped playing Grand Theft Auto V long enough to speak to us, saying, “Every now and then I step a bit out of line and get a smack from Mum or Dad, but it doesn’t hurt half as much as when my brother and I stab each other with compasses for a laugh.

“And they’re entitled to parent us however they see fit – they are the responsible adults out of the lot of us, after all.”

He added, “But when the dementia kicks in and I’ve got power of attorney then we’ll see who’s in charge.

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“Nursing homes aren’t cheap, you know, and I imagine the distant memory of being smacked as a child could be the kind of thing I take into consideration when choosing between a lovely nursing home in the countryside and a pebble-dashed concrete granny stacker under an M25 flyover.”

Parent Simon Williams justified his use of smacking, saying, “I feel compelled to smack my kids, just like any parent.

“Not so much because of their behaviour, but because of the crippling self-doubt that was instilled into me when I was smacked as a kid.

“Never did me any harm, though.”