A new takeaway service is shaking up the industry by being brutally honest in its advertising.
Just Feed My Face is a mobile app which allows you to order men on bicycles to bring you the kind of greasy, decadent, delicious food that would make Gwyneth Paltrow wince.
“Our telly ad opens with a man on a bicycle receiving a phone notification, at which point he sighs, puts out his marijuana joint and cycles to an Indian takeaway with a poor hygiene rating,” explains ad-man and bastard, Simon Williams.
“After a hurried argument in two languages between cyclist and takeaway staff member, the cyclist hurries over to the customer’s house after struggling to find it for twenty minutes because even with GPS, postcodes are often a pain in the arse.
“He’s greeted at the door by a drunk man in his pants, who has visibly been crying. The man snatches the takeaway without a word of thanks and limps over to his sofa which is covered in used tissues and losing lottery tickets.
“Then the bloke tears open the lamb jalfrezi and starts shovelling it into his mouth with his fists. He uses the naan bread as a napkin. Then when he’s finished, he throws up into a bin, before collapsing into a deep sleep on the floor.
“It’s much more realistic than those poncey ads that show a group of friends laughing, being sober and bothering with actual plates.
“We’re confident it will resonate with true takeaway customers across the country.”